No Homo

So, let's be honest for a moment. I've heard it. You've heard it. We're all probably guilty of saying it at least once. Yes ladies and gents, I'm speaking of the proliferation of the ever-ubiquitous sexual disclaimer, "no homo." Always good for a laugh or two...or three. Right? But have you ever asked yourself whose expense these cheap laughs come at?

And for what? All so you can dispel any suppositions (be they real or imaginary) about your heterosexuality? Surely that's a completely legitimate reason to degrade an entire group of people? This "no homo" phenomenon has really permeated nearly all levels of youth culture. Is this what we've come to represent? Is it really necessary for us to demean and trivialize an already heavily marginalized group for the sole purpose of disassociating ourselves from them? To uplift ourselves in the eyes of our peers? Or worse yet, for a laugh? It's shameful. It's hurtful. And it achieves nothing.

Young men are not the only guilty party here. Young women utter the phrase with as little thought or regard as our male counterparts, if not even less so. Are you so insecure in your sexuality that you feel the need to assert your heterosexuality to any and everyone, unsolicited? Please do everyone a favor and stop it. I'm sure many people do not attach any wrongdoing to the act of carelessly spewing out this phrase. But I think the time has come for us to hold ourselves and our peers accountable for the things that we and they say. Think about the true meaning of the words you allow to spill from you lips. Aim to do no harm; to others or to your own reputation. Like the old adage warns, "...be careful of your words, for they become your actions." The "no homo" thing is senseless. It alienates people unnecessarily. Take heed and think before you speak.

...Love, and Other Hooplah

How do you know when you're in love? How do you know that you're over someone? Are these even things that we can truly be even remotely cognizant of as they are happening to us? This blog is entitled "Coming to Terms: Life, Love, and Other Hooplah." Had to throw this spiel in sooner or later. People (and no, I am not going to name these "people" - in part because I have no clue who they are, but mostly because I want seem credible without actually doing the necessary research and having to cite reputable and legitimate sources --  deal with it)...but I digress. "People" say (note the use of quotations to take the burden of proof off of me) that EVERYONE deserves to be loved. Hm...last time I checked, the founding fathers said nothing about that...let me see: Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness...in order to create a more perfect union...blah, blah, blah. Nope. Love is nowhere to be found in the US Constitution. (Then again, the founding fathers all owned slaves and probably beat/raped them regularly.) So, friends, from where doth this "lovely" ideal of free love derive? Who is to say that you deserve to be loved? Or for that matter, that I deserved to be loved? That we can cut and package it into a neat little package that any and everyone can have the option of picking up the nearest phone/telegraph/carrier pigeon, dialing a 1-800 number, and having it hand-delivered 3-5 days later in a USPS Flat Rate Box? What have you done to be deserving of love? Is being human just enough? First off, before I offend anyone (not that I'm really obligated to care due to the fact that you are reading my blog and I have not outlined any previous commitment to be non-offensive on here, but am operating within the understanding that as individuals we must all be held accountable for the things that we say), I do believe that everyone needs to feel love(d) in some capacity in order to connect with their own humanity. However, I do realize that others may argue that a person could just as easily die to become more attuned with their humanity since mortality is a defining factor in being human. And to them, I would concede the point while simultaneously raising another: therapy. Yes, in many cases it works. Continuing on (and speaking in romantic terms exclusively at this point), why do you deserved to be loved? 

What is it about you that makes you worthy of the almost-religious respect and adoration of another human being? Why should anyone pay more attention to you than any other person? To answer that question personally (gasp!) I would say I deserve to be loved because I love myself and I challenge someone to try to do it better :) Now, I have standards, of course. But on its most basic level, I deserve to be loved because I am ready to reciprocate the expectations that I have established for him. I want to be the loving wife of a loving husband (not right away...but maybe sooner than anyone [including me] ever thought). It's a scary thing when we allow ourselves to be completely honest with ourselves about the things we want, but it's time. No, I'm not actively looking for someone, but I'm not trying to be the third generation of lonely women in my family, either. I think acknowledging what it is that you want is the first step in attaining it. That said, I want to fall so hard that I can't get back up again (lawsuit, anyone?) 

• I want to trust again. 
• I want to meet your mother, and love her and have her love me! 
• I want to be inspired to write poetry and songs about you. 
• I want to get spiritual with you. 
• I want to laugh with you. 
• I want to learn with you. 
• I want to hold your hand in public. 
• I want to hold you hand when it's just us. 
• I want to occasionally fart on you (a real man could handle it). 
• I want to slow dance on Sundays with you. 
• Learn how to make your favorite foods. 
• Seduce you.
• Forgive you. 
• Lift you. 
• Inspire you. 
• Sweat with you. 
• Cry with you. 
• Breathe with you. 
• Wrap you in my love and protect you. 
• Read with you. Give back with you. 
• Take a stand with you. 
• Debate with you (and win). 
• Arm wrestle with you (and lose). 
• Grow with you. 
• Give you something to look forward to. 
• Keep it real with you. 
• Change the world with you. 

I want, quite simply, to love you if for no reason other than the fact that you love me. And I deserve that.